scars

My tattoos and their meaning

I’ve wanted a tattoo since I was about 16/17 years old, however, back then I didn’t know what I wanted but I did know I wanted something that meant something to me. I didn’t actually get any tattoos until this year, and the reason for that was because I have a problem with self harm and in my head I thought ‘if I get a tattoo, what happens if I have an episode and cut over it? Ruin it?’. Worried by this thought, I delayed in getting one.

But at the beginning of this year, despite having self harm urges and acting upon these urges, I decided that I wanted to get my first tattoo because I wanted to give myself a permanent reminder of something deeply important. That brings us to tattoo number 1. The lotus flower with the three dots beneath it.

FullSizeRender I think I got this done in February of this year, but I can’t remember if that’s right. It was around that time, anyway. The lotus flower has always stood out to me for a variety of reasons, but the one main one being this: lotus flowers begin their journey beneath the murky water, and they grow there until they blossom above the water’s surface, blossoming into beautiful flowers that decorate the darkness of the water. I like to think of it whereby we are the lotus flower, and the murky, unclear water is our struggles and difficulties that we face in our lives, causing stress, discomfort, sadness and general negative feelings. However despite our surroundings, we continue to grow, and one day, we rise above it all and flourish in our most beautiful state, having fought the darkness and come out the other side.
The three dots represent my favourite quote from the Buddha. And that is this, “three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth”. Buddhism interests me greatly and I enjoy reading and researching about it, and this quote in particular made me think and resonated with me.
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My second tattoo I got last month. This one in particular I adore. It was quite a spontaneous decision but the design itself is something I had been looking at for a while. This tattoo in particular, for me, is sort of a reminder. A reminder to stop, take a breath, close my eyes and remember that urges pass, the bad days pass, it all passes, I just need to hold on tight and ride it out. The flowers represent life, the hand is my grasp on life, and obviously the words ‘hold on’ mean just that! This tattoo helps me during the dark moments. The moments where all I want to do is self destruct. I’m really glad I got this tattoo done and already it’s stopped me from self harming a couple of times. Well, it’s helped me stop myself from self harming, which I think is a good thing.

Thank you for reading,

Ellie.